Parenting can be stressful, it can hurt and bring feelings of fear! Does it have to? Question that thought!
I felt helpless! Here’s the scenario: on the airplane… red eye flight home from Hawaii. One child sleeping on my lap while the other one across the isle, ( middle seat) fidgety, can’t get comfortable, blanket it itchy, kicking the seat in front of him, talking so loud, bugging everyone around him… basically raising hell. I watch the lady sitting next to him glare at me over and over with a look of disgust. What is she thinking? Does she think I’m a terrible mother for not having a well behaved child? Does she think this is my fault? Finally he’s falling asleep … and each time he nods off his head leans on her shoulder! Her looks cut like a knife. The rolling of her eyes and heavy sighs were enough to make me crazy because I couldn’t do anything to control the situation. A few times before she asked to be moved I saw her wake him up, tell him to stop leaning on her and push his head off of her shoulder, all while glaring at me. When I looked into her eyes and saw the judgement from her I thought to myself… “What do you want me to do? I can’t control the fact that he’s tired and falling asleep. I can’t control what he’s doing”! I was embarrassed. I kept thinking to myself, does she think I’m a bad parent? Does she think I’m sitting over on this other row because I don’t want to deal with him? Does she think I don’t care or don’t teach my children manners? Judgments!
So often we feel like our kids are a reflection of us. Why do we think that we should be able to shape and mold them into who we want them to be? Why do we believe we know what’s best for them? Why does the way we treat our kids change when they aren’t doing what we want them to do?
When I question my judgments and stories about my parenting, I”m able to see my children beyond those thoughts… see them for who they really are. My children are love and I find freedom! I find my greatest teachers in life~ and they teach me everyday about patience, love and loving what is. What a gift! Doing The Work has given me the tools to see that when I’m on the cusp of freaking out, all I’m doing is believing my fearful stories. They aren’t even true! I have the tools to see the miracles in all the things that they do; their curiosity, their creativity, present moment living, their freedom, the joy when they learn and accomplish something new, their desire to be in nature, their desire for love… which is what they all are!
Doing the work on my stories about my children and parenting has given me more clarity than I’ve ever had. How do I know they should or shouldn’t be doing something they are or aren’t doing… how do I know? I don’t know. I can’t know. It’s none of my business! What is my business is to create an environment that makes me feel at peace. When I am in my business, the rest all falls into place just the way it’s supposed to… just perfectly.
I wonder what they will do with their lives! They are just starting to figure themselves out, and they will figure it out… whatever life has in store for them! Whatever they do is perfect, is the way it is supposed to be, and has nothing to do with me!