When You Love You

What does that mean… to love you? Does that mean that you treat yourself to shopping sprees and day spa treatments? Does that mean you only think about yourself ? Does that mean you encompass complete admiration… like Narcissus?  That could be true.  And guess what…  that’s ok.

I have a different story of what it means to love you. When I hear this I think, talking to yourself in a way that you would talk to your children, in a way you’d talk to your mom, dad or spouse. Talking to yourself with the respect that you’d want someone else to talk to you.  Holding the highest of respect and integrity for yourself, and living in a way that brings peace to you.  It’s my belief that loving yourself is the key to happiness, peace and abundance.

This week I learned about “The Gift Of An Honest No”. Kathryn, ( my mentor from Clarity Coaching Institute) she wrote an excpert on what it really means, and the truth that comes when you do give that honest no. She writes:

‘Clear communication results from our ability to speak our truth in each moment. Our truth is not contingent on circumstances or conditions; it merely consists of what is in each moment. Our truth is alive. We can just go inside and discover the truth in its simplicity- a yes or a no. 

Justification and explanations are attempts at manipulation borne of self-doubt and fear that our non-compliance will result in some form of loss. 

“We don’t tell the truth when we are afraid we won’t get something we want, or we will lose something we have”-Byron Katie

Until we learn how to be true to ourselves, we tend to lose perpetually. 

With the best of intentions, we fear that saying no to someone we care for, ( or of importance in our lives) is unloving or unkind- that being “good” is to always say yes. What sorts of relationships are fostered under such pretenses? A dishonest yes to someone else is always a disapointing  ‘no’ (compromise) to my very own heart and my relationship with my inner-truth which is my integrity. 

Give it a possibility that the signifiant others in your life just might care enough and be strong enough to hear the truth and maybe even want you to be true to yourself’. 

I mean… so good right? I can’t know what you all are feeling or have felt… but my story is that I’ve said yes thousands of times when I wanted to say no ! And what did that do for me other than start the downward cycle of believing my stressful thoughts? My favorite part of what Kathryn wrote above is the part that says ” A dishonest yes is always a disappointing no to my very own heart and my relationship with my inner-truth which is my integrity”. It’s SO TRUE!!

So… working on giving an honest no. I did it yesterday and it felt so light ! No baggage, no questioning my thoughts… just peace and honesty. Why do we believe that when we say no we’re going to hurt the other person? Wouldn’t it be just as true to believe that we would hurt them more if they knew we were only saying yes to please them? And at that…how do we even know that it would? This is how I see it:

  • Every time I’ve give a dishonest yes to something – I’ve lied .
  • Every time I’ve lied I lose a piece of me and my truth.
  • Every time I lose a piece of my truth I believe my stressful thoughts { I am being controlled, I am the only one who does anything ,  I am a cowardly loser}
  • When I believe those stressful thoughts I lose… but only 100% of the time.

Have a great week… giving your honest No!